Family Makes Life

Dear k,

Ive always tried hard to acheive things in my life. I have a bub and husband. I Stay home with bub. Other than them, i havnt acheived much. Stuff always happens to mess things up. Anyway, alot of my friends lives on facebook seem perfect and it makes me wonder y i bother. I never seem to get anywhere in life. I also make an effort to be a good friend but people never really reciprocate. Thanx

Planning for the Future

Dear K,
I need a little advice. I am 17, and I will be 18 next month. My boyfriend and I have been together about 3 months. We are not sexually active and we are taking things slow since he's my first boyfriend and I'm his first girlfriend. But my question is sometimes you get caught up in the moment type stuff and things can happen. I'm not on birth control because I've never been sexually active, but I kinda want to start just for safety precautions. But my parents are super strict and would automatically assume I was having sex. Any advice? I'm a good daughter and student and have never given my parents a reason not to trust me. I have a 4.3 gpa and my boyfriend has a 4.8 gpa, he is smart and super respectful. He would never make me do anything I don't want to do, but I want to be prepared. It's not like I will have sex as soon as I'm on birth control, I just want it in case we do decide to.
Thanks in advance! (:

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Dear amazing young lady,
From what you say, you're very smart. Not only GPA wise but relationship wise and I am sure you already know to wait until you're ready. There are free clinics in almost every town around that will give you birth control without your parents having to be there or even know about it. I wish I had known when I was your age.... I had my daughter at 17.... I've learned though. You're also smart for planning in advance. O suggest checking out a clinic. Your boyfriend does not even have to know about it and get started. It takes at least a month for birth control to kick in. So start soon. Then when the time is right for both of you, whether it be months or years.... You will be prepared. I appaud you for being smart and learning in advance. I know its hard to keep things from your parents but you're a young lady now, and these types of things are your decision and you are going about it the right way. I hope that helps! *K*

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Thank you so much for the advice, I will take it into consideration. Also, should I talk to my boyfriend about this decision I want to take, and also when should I talk to him about having condoms, just in case? Or should I not?

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It is your decision. If you want to keep it private, keep it private, but at some point, yes, you will have to talk to him about sex. If you want him to goto the clinic with you for support, I would talk to him now about it. Let him know that as of right now, you are not ready but you want to do the smart thing and get prepared for when the time is right. If you start with that then he will know that you are not doing it just so you two can start being intimate, you are doing it to protect both of you. It is not an easy conversation to have but it is a very smart one. I suggest that if you do go and get birth control then at the same time you should get some condoms. I think the family planning clinics just give them away too so that you (or him) doesn't have to be embarassed in the check out line of walgreens. So, its up to you if you want to include him in on it right now or if you want to wait a little bit. But sooner or later you will have to have the talk. Just make sure you are ready and comfortable to have it before you do. :) *K*

Shy Gal

Dear K,

I'm 14, and in High school (obviously)
I just started, brand new people and everything. And it's January, and I haven't made friends. I'm not going to blame it on the people in the school, because I see people I could easily be friends with...if I was more outgoing. My old friend, from elementary goes to my school. It makes me so jealous that she has tons of friends, etc. and it just makes me feel worse about myself. I think I have social anxiety, but it's not use telling my mom. She already knows im quiet, and won't really do anything about it, she's used to it. But she does get annoyed sometimes, which makes me feel worse. Sometimes she points it out that I have no friends, and when I told her I had a new ring tone on my cell phone, she said "It's not like your phone rings anyway." which made me feel like I wanted to cry. She also said that i had no friends, so how was I suppose to have a sweet sixteen party.. I've never been to the mall with friends before, never been to a sleepover since elementary (back then was easier, but no one cared if I didn't talk. I still had friends.) But now, its harder. At the beginning of the year, I tried to talk, and I felt bad because people WERE trying to get to know me, but I just didnt put alot into the conversation. When people talk to me my mind goes blank and I don't know what to say. It doesn't help that I don't have high confidence either, because im really skinny and don't find myself attractive in that area either. Everyone has a chest, and I don't. If I didnt wear a bra, I would be flat chested.
I was thinking of joining softball, to make some friends, but I know i'm going to ruin that too, and just be the silent chick on the team.

I was just wondering, what I could do. I want to get to know my class mates, but after being so silent for so long, I feel it would be weird and creepy just walking up to someone and say "Hi!". I know I would be creeped out. I'm sorry this is so long but I really had to let it out. If you have any advice it would be really appreciated!!

And no..I do not have sucidal thoughts, though I do think of death alot. About how im wasting my life being alone, when I could be experiencing things with friends, ect.

Please answer, it would be much appreciated. Thanks. <3

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Shy Gal,
I know how you feel.... I was very shy in school. One thing that seemed to help was to just start joking with people about our teachers... For instance, as we would walk out of class, whoever was next to me I would say something like "I think she could put an insomniac to sleep!" That would usually strike up a conversation. It is a lot less creepy than just saying "hi". It takes courage. I think joining a sport may be a little much right now for you, but you should maybe join another kind of club. I dont know what your school has, but in debate club, you work in groups and kind of are forced to make friends. Social clubs would be the best bet versus sports. Drama would be fun because you would have common topics to talk about. As far as image is concerned, all young women are concerned with their image. I was, my mom was, my sister was.... EVERYONE has been at one point in time. You will grow out of it. What I did before I "bloomed" Was wore a lot of sweaters and sweatshirts or those fashion scarves... Something to draw the eyes away from your mid section. Or try doing your hair a different way for a while... people will notice that over your midsection. Its normal. Trust me. But like I said, try getting in to some kind of a social club. Also, dont forget to be yourself. You're only 14 and have a whole life ahead of you. So, find some good jokes and common ground and you will go far!!!! And dont forget... I am here to help!
*K*

Confused Student

Dear K,

I've been a very stellar student my whole life, that was until college began. My parents pushed me into majoring in something that I never wanted to major in, and that backfired as I didn't have motivation to get the degree at all. Basically, I will be ending up with about a 2.4 GPA by the end of this semester, which will mark my second year, earning 57 credits. No doubt I've done bad, but I still have hope and I'm trying to stay as optimistic as I can. I know how hard it is to find a job these days without a degree, so if I have to take loans, work while I attend college, I WILL get through this and get my degree, no matter what.

I've looked at several careers and my final selection is to be a Radiology Technologist. I've looked around and it's said that this is a two year program, however, I seem to have ended my two year with mostly gen ed courses, and on a pretty bad note as well. I want a Bachelors degree in this program as well. I live in Orlando, Florida and attend UCF, and they no longer offer Bachelors degree in this program from what I've been told.

I feel so hopeless at this point, but I need some serious reality check. On top of this, my parents haven't talked to me for weeks and it's killing me.

*******

Confused student,
Thank you for coming to me with your problem, I am here to help!!! Don't feel as if you are alone. Many students get 3-4 years of college under thier belt before they settle on a degree program. I understand your frustration doing classes that you have no interest in because your parents pushed for it... it is pretty much inevitable that you will not do good in those classes as you know that you are working towards something that you would rather not. Don't feel like you are letting yourself down!!! From what I can tell you are a very strong and motivated person and those are the qualities that will help you through this tough time! I, for one, did all but 8 credits towards a legal administration degree before I decided that I would rather do nursing :/. So I have been there and know that it is not easy. There is good money and tons of job opportunities being a Rad Tech. (we are always hiring new ones in MN). As far as working while in college, its a good idea, but if you are already stressed out, I think you should take it slow. Changing Degree Programs is a lot of stress and you need to take care of yourself first and foremost! If UCF does not offer your program, tranferring these days is pretty easy!! Stick with it! YOU CAN DO IT :). As far as your parents go... If you think they are not talking to you because of school, that is their problem. They are your parents and they should be supportive of you no matter what! What I may suggest is to just write them a letter about how you feel and what your plans are as far as school. Let them know that your heart is in a different field and that you are doing poorly because you have no interest in it and the pressure that they have put on you has stressed you out. Let them know that you need their support now more than ever and that it hurts you when they dont talk to you. Make sure you write it in a way that does not accuse them of anything. You want to show them that you are an adult and even though you are working hard it is upsetting you that they are treating you like a child. Then, leave it up to them. They will know how you feel and hopefully will understand what you are going through. I would start looking at schools and looking into financial aid and if you decide to get a job as well, find one for about 15 hours a week to start. Remember, you are going to need time to study hard for your Bachelors Rad Tech Degree (that I know you can get!!!)and dont forget to treat yourself as well... Take time for you. Sometimes it is hard to do when you know you have other stuff that you could be doing... While I was in college, working, and raising a baby, I thought I could do it without time to myself and I broke down. From then on I schedule an hour a week for myself. In the winter I like to take that time to go tanning. Though 1 time a week wont actually give me a tan, the warmth and the Vitamin D really relieves the stress!!!! Take care Confused student and feel free to reply with more questions, anything. I am here to help!!!! Think of me as your free internet counselor :)
Be positive and you WILL succeed!!
*K*

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K,
I sincerely thank you for the response. I've used several sources on the internet to ask for advice and whatnot, and some told me to just drop out of school because it seems like I'm not meant to be in college. It really makes me mad that there are people out there who likes to discourage hopeful students. And while I know that my parents pressure on me is making me stress, I also realize that the lack of a better GPA is entirely my fault after all. I will admit, I have messed up since day 1 of college. I lacked the motivation that a college student should have and didn't bother seeking help till now. I really want a Rad Tech Bachelors degree, but it seems like there are no schools in my state that offers this degree- only an Associates. I'm 19 years old and I feel as if I'm wasting my time and money and I'm not getting any younger.

About my parents not speaking to me, I will just let them be. Through the grapevine, or from my sister, I heard that my Dad has lost all his hopes on me. I come from a very strict Asian family, so you know how that goes. He's still financially supporting me and I feel awful spending his money while feeling like I'm getting nowhere in life. I really want to talk to my parents, and would LOVE to write a letter, but the truth is, there's a slight language barrier between me and them. I can't eloquently express my feelings to them in our native language, which is the only language they fully understand.

I'm trying to stay positive, but the more I look at my low GPA and the courses that I failed in, the more discouraging I'm becoming.

Thank you for your help, I'm so glad there's someone I can vent my feelings to!

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Confused Student,
I am here to help :) Thats what I enjoy doing. I know there are some really cruddy people on the internet who like to put people down... I found a link for you, hopefully it can help you on your way. http://radiologytechnicianschools.net/
I know you look down on yourself for your GPA slipping, and yes, technically it is, but without the motivation and knowing thats what you want to do, its hard to care about it. But you will so better in your rad tech program. Even if you just start with an AA thats fine too, I think there are some online colleges that you can do the AA to BS completly online while you work. (and if you are working as a rad tech generally the bigger companies will pay for you to advance your education) I hope everything works out for you with your family. I am sure your dad has not given up hope, but maybe he feels disappointed that you dont want the same career path that he wants for you. Everyone goes through ups and downs and right now you are on the down side.... but you will be able to get back up. I have faith in you. You will do great. Just when you look at your current GPA use that to help encourage yourself to miove forward and persue your degree and push yourself to do better. You can and you will. Good Luck!!

*K*

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K,
I've taken a lot of the gen ed courses already. Does this mean that I've wasted two years of my life just taking these useless courses? Out of curiosity, do you know how much the rad techs at your workplace make with a two year degree out of college?

Transferring is not so easy for me. I cannot transfer to another University in the state of Florida anymore because of my GPA and I've seen some programs offered at certain hospitals, but they also seem to be a bit selective. I don't know.. I just don't. I'm hoping that all the courses I've taken thus far isn't all wasted.

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Confused Student,
You time is never wasted. Though your GPA may not be so great, your courses still count. Also, Gen Ed courses are needed for almost every degree program so you would need them anyways! see... not wasted. As far as the Rad Techs salary. It would be different in every state... But I asked one of our techs here and without giving me exact numbers she said she takes home just under 50k a year but thats with wonderful insurance benefits and 401K and all that kind of stuff. She also has only been doing it for about 1 year so that is pretty good for just starting out :) I say go for it! oh and yes she only has a 2 year. Plus.... cost of living where I live is nothing compared to Florida so I am sure you would make more down there :)

Ask me anything! **

I am not 100% sure how I want this blog to run, but I do know that I am going to randomly post stuff about my life but I do also want to be there for anyone who needs some kind of advice! I am well versed in about everything short of video games, I have a background in law, psychology, cardiology, military, teen mom, parenting issues, marriage issues, I mean A LOT of things.  I really just want to be there to help people, be a support system for them as I know life is not easy…. Please forward my link around and get it out there that I am here to help… kind of like a dear abby thing :)
So post your question on here and I will move it to a new post with your answer!