Shy Gal

Dear K,

I'm 14, and in High school (obviously)
I just started, brand new people and everything. And it's January, and I haven't made friends. I'm not going to blame it on the people in the school, because I see people I could easily be friends with...if I was more outgoing. My old friend, from elementary goes to my school. It makes me so jealous that she has tons of friends, etc. and it just makes me feel worse about myself. I think I have social anxiety, but it's not use telling my mom. She already knows im quiet, and won't really do anything about it, she's used to it. But she does get annoyed sometimes, which makes me feel worse. Sometimes she points it out that I have no friends, and when I told her I had a new ring tone on my cell phone, she said "It's not like your phone rings anyway." which made me feel like I wanted to cry. She also said that i had no friends, so how was I suppose to have a sweet sixteen party.. I've never been to the mall with friends before, never been to a sleepover since elementary (back then was easier, but no one cared if I didn't talk. I still had friends.) But now, its harder. At the beginning of the year, I tried to talk, and I felt bad because people WERE trying to get to know me, but I just didnt put alot into the conversation. When people talk to me my mind goes blank and I don't know what to say. It doesn't help that I don't have high confidence either, because im really skinny and don't find myself attractive in that area either. Everyone has a chest, and I don't. If I didnt wear a bra, I would be flat chested.
I was thinking of joining softball, to make some friends, but I know i'm going to ruin that too, and just be the silent chick on the team.

I was just wondering, what I could do. I want to get to know my class mates, but after being so silent for so long, I feel it would be weird and creepy just walking up to someone and say "Hi!". I know I would be creeped out. I'm sorry this is so long but I really had to let it out. If you have any advice it would be really appreciated!!

And no..I do not have sucidal thoughts, though I do think of death alot. About how im wasting my life being alone, when I could be experiencing things with friends, ect.

Please answer, it would be much appreciated. Thanks. <3

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Shy Gal,
I know how you feel.... I was very shy in school. One thing that seemed to help was to just start joking with people about our teachers... For instance, as we would walk out of class, whoever was next to me I would say something like "I think she could put an insomniac to sleep!" That would usually strike up a conversation. It is a lot less creepy than just saying "hi". It takes courage. I think joining a sport may be a little much right now for you, but you should maybe join another kind of club. I dont know what your school has, but in debate club, you work in groups and kind of are forced to make friends. Social clubs would be the best bet versus sports. Drama would be fun because you would have common topics to talk about. As far as image is concerned, all young women are concerned with their image. I was, my mom was, my sister was.... EVERYONE has been at one point in time. You will grow out of it. What I did before I "bloomed" Was wore a lot of sweaters and sweatshirts or those fashion scarves... Something to draw the eyes away from your mid section. Or try doing your hair a different way for a while... people will notice that over your midsection. Its normal. Trust me. But like I said, try getting in to some kind of a social club. Also, dont forget to be yourself. You're only 14 and have a whole life ahead of you. So, find some good jokes and common ground and you will go far!!!! And dont forget... I am here to help!
*K*